Rock n’ Roll Hall of
Bullsh*t
This
rant is dedicated to the rock n’ roll critics and snobs who believe they know
better than everyone else. They
tell you that the HoF is only for the most deserving artists, but when you
follow that up with the question of “who decides?” They quickly declare, “we do – and what’s more, we don’t
care what you think”. To my mind, The HoF has become a private club. This wouldn’t bother me so much, but
for the fact that the RnR HoF Foundation positions itself as the ultimate
arbiter of what’s deserving and what’s not; who’s in and who’s out. Why do they get a voice and you and I
don’t?
Ultimately,
this has meant that a few (IMHO) undeserving people have gotten in; while a
huge number of people and groups that should be in, are left marginalized on
the sidelines of RnR history. To
my mind the opposite should be true.
Of all styles of music, RnR (and perhaps country), best exemplify the
spirit of populism.
What
makes this so galling is that music is one of the most subjective art forms in
existence. What you enjoy, might gag me; while my tastes may lead you to plug
up your ears. Which one of us is
right? I would argue that we both
are. And here is the crux of the
issue. I believe that music, at
its best, is transformative. Music
in general (and RnR specifically), has been a powerful force in my life. I believe strongly that RnR artists and
groups that have, through their music, provided that transformative experience,
deserve to be inducted.
With
that in mind, throw open the doors and let the following inside:
1. Rush
For
some reason critics hate Rush. I’m
not a huge fan, but I know several who are, and boy, are they passionate. Rush have created their own niche and
sound in RnR (and for the record – if you create your own niche and sound, you
belong in the HoF), while making and playing music at a high level for decades.
2. Deep Purple
There
are three groups that are primarily responsible for the development of hard
rock/heavy metal. Black Sabbath,
Led Zeppelin and these guys. If
you were going to play five songs to someone who’d never heard RnR before,
“Smoke on the Water”, would be one of them. And there is so much more to these guys than that. (Again, for the record, if you record
of the RnR’s definitive songs, you’re in the Hof)
3. KISS
Sure,
a lot of their music is lame, but can you deny the image. That image has become an integral part
of RnR history. (To those of you
who say, “Yes, but the RnR HoF is about music and not image”, I say: “Do you
really want to argue that image is not part of RnR?”) BTW if the Monkees aren’t in the HoF,
they deserve to be in for this reason alone.
4. the Raspberries
Power
pop is a woefully under-appreciated genre. It’s too bad these guys couldn’t hold it together longer
than they did in order to create a larger body of work, but go back and listen
to the guitar lick that opens “Go All the Way” and tell me they don’t belong.
5. Cheap Trick
As
I said above, power pop doesn’t get much respect. I disagree. By
mixing the sensibilities of a pop song with rock instrumentation you can create
a tasty treat. Cheap Trick is the
definitive power pop group.
6. Yes
I
don’t much care for Yes, but they are the definitive prog-rock group, hence
their inclusion here.
(Yes,
I know, I’m using the word definitive a lot; it’s kind of my point.)
7. Jethro Tull
Ian
Anderson and his band of henchman have an impressive body of work, and have
played at a high level for decades.
They’re in.
8. Iron Maiden
Heavy
Metal is another genre that critics love to hate. Any heavy metal group that they now claim to admire is
revisionist history. Don’t believe
me – go back a read the initial reviews of Zeppelin and Sabbath. (By the way,
Queen was another group that the critics absolutely loathed during their heyday. Now that they’re in, those same elitist
snobs talk about how wonderful they were.
This is further proof that sometimes the ‘regular’ fans know more than
the critics). In any event,
Iron Maiden has a huge catalogue of epic songs and have inspired countless
heavy metal/hard rock bands, so they’re in.
9-12. Styx, REO Speedwagon, Def Leppard,
& Journey
What’s
wrong with music that lots and lots of people like? It may not be the most challenging, but what the hell’s
wrong with people dancing and singing and having a good time? These bands are part of the story of
RnR, and sometimes the people know something the critics don’t. If you want to throw Foreigner in
there, too, go ahead.
13. Mott the Hoople/Ian Hunter
One
of the few times on this list where I pretend to know more than you (the
Raspberries would be the other).
Mott was a great band in the late 60’s/early 70’s. Their big break came when Bowie gave
them “All the Young Dudes”, but they were making great primal RnR long before
that. They were punk before punk
was cool. In fact, they were so
punk, they would often play slower and more thoughtful songs. The group’s songs were primarily
written by Ian Hunter, a tremendously under-appreciated artist who is still
making great RnR at the age of 72.
14. The Doobie Bros.
Try
putting together a definitive list of
RnR from the 70’s without them and you can’t do it. (The RnR of the 70’s is not the
complete wasteland that critics like to claim it is, BTW). They are often forgotten about, which
is a shame. They should be in for
no other reason than their appearance on “What’s Happening?”, which coined the
immortal phrase: “Which Doobie you
be?”
15. Dire Straits
Great
songwriting, great musicianship, and boy can Mark Knopfler play a guitar. Don’t believe me? Search out a live version of “Sultan’s
of Swing”.
16. The Cars
Combined
the best of new wave and pop music sensibilities. If Blondie and the Police are in, there’s no way you can
keep them out.
17. Link Wray
So
you’ve never heard of him? Trust
me, you’ve heard his influence.
Link Wray invented the power chord. Without the power chord, RnR does not exist. Also, he had a wonderfully nasty
sound. His one big hit, “Rumble”
managed to get itself banned from radio stations in the 50’s despite the fact
that it’s an instrumental.
18. Joan Jett
A
true believer.
19. Chicago
The
case against these guys is that they stuck around too long. I’m not listing them for the slop
they’ve put out since the mid 80’s, but for the impressive boy of work they put
together in the 70’s. They were
the most successful group to blend jazz and rock.
20. Steve Miller
I
wore out the grooves of his “Best of 74-78” album. Seriously, if you’re at a dud of a party, put this on and
you will make people happy. Also
came up with the line “Abracadabra, I’m gonna reach out and grab ‘ya”. Besides being a great writer, the guy
is a fantastic guitar player.
21.
Electric Light Orchestra
John
Lennon himself thought highly of ELO.
‘nuff said.
22. the Moody Blues
A
little pretentious for my tastes, and some people think that symphonic rock is
an oxymoron, but they do have an impressive catalogue. Besides they had many moments when they
legitimately rocked out.
23. J. Geils Band
"Ain't Nothin' but a Houseparty". Goodness knows we all need a party, now and again.
24. Slade
Once upon a time, a group of four lads from the backwoods of England got together and had #1 hit after #1 hit. The crowds went crazy, made a lot of noise, and had a great deal of fun. Certainly, these boys are the least sophisticated entry, but what the hell, they knew what RnR was all about.
